i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
