This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
