I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Swine flu is the new snow day.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
