The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
