I skipped work to stalk him.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Randomize
