just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
