You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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