He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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