My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
