Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
