I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize