I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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