if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
no. you can't hotbox the world.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
