Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
