She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
