i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
