Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
