I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
