I just threw up on my dentist
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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