somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
