If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
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I don't deserve a penis
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
please don't ironically join a cult
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