xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
