I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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