I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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