the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
