Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
