I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
