I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
