he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
