My room smells like vodka and shame
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
