On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
