I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
