My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
