Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
