So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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