I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
