she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
