Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
