It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
