he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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