please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
