He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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