the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so explain again why im purple
no
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
