he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
FUCK WHALES
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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