you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
