3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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