the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i came on her dog
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
