DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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