That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
