Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
