I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
