Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
splinters make it hard to masturbate
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
