Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
