I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
