Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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