we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
