After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
