he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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