Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im six kinds of drunk right now
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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