Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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