I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
