i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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