Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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