I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Randomize
