I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
