just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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