4 words: hood of his car
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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