I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think im going to throw up on grandma
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
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As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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