Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
