Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i now understand why vodka
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
