apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
