No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
