Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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